This is not to incriminate anyone, particularly me. However, I am guilty of each and every one of these to some degree or another. The point of this is to consider a little self examination (she said to herself) and notice when you do use these lies. Ask yourself why you are feeling the need to lie, and see if a small change is in order. There could be a whole new world beyond the easiest lies we hide behind.
I don’t care: Do you really NOT care? Although part of that may be true, the deeper meaning behind such a claim is “I don’t want to care because if I do then I have to feel something and that is something I don’t want to do!” On second thought, maybe one really doesn't care (I think I have honestly not cared) because I do not wish to spend energy on something that I do not value.
I don’t have time: Any time? There are 24 hours in a day and I don’t think we actually use every last minute as wisely as we could. An example of this poor time management would be me right now for example; trying to write a list post while waiting for the movers to bring furniture to my house. I could be working on the important set list for Friday’s show or practicing the songs I am weak on etc. The point is that I don’t have time to do the things that I don’t understand or that would require a learning curve OR I have boundary issues and have overbooked myself and need to take a time management course before I take on anything new and exciting…but I don’t have time for that either.
Sorry I'm late, again: Now this is something everyone has personally been guilty of and/or been the recipient of another’s lateness. Being late on occasion is not an issue. Being chronically late to the same place or to see the same people is a HUGE problem. If you were truly sorry, you would be on time more frequently than not. Chronic lateness is a passive aggressive and says to the one you are meeting, “I'm too busy to consider you and frankly I don’t have time to care, it’s bothersome”. If that is your M.O.. then I bet you don’t have a lot of friends. However, if there is something particularly spectacular about your existence some people will put up with it.
Admission: I do have one friend in particular who is late 100% of the time, but she is a remarkable woman and I just know to plan accordingly and we then laugh about it.
I’m good, thanks! : In reply to “hey, how are you? Good to see you!” Clearly we can’t and should not go around telling the nice people on this planet that our life sucks at this particular time, but “have a nice day anyway”. The truth is, they probably don’t care (that much) and/or don’t have time to hear about it. These are not the same as issue #1 and #2…they are the unspoken version and are authentic in their sentiment. So what do you do when you’re having a crappy day and the nice people are, well…being nice? You could just stay away and sulk and spare everyone or try saying the same thing, “I’m great!!” and think to yourself thank God for NICE people! If you are really feeling “Zennish and Fung shui-ful” you could just start thinking about things that are good and nice…and poof…your sucky day will lose its nasty edge and your lying A$$ will self correct, lucky you. This is tried and true, I did it yesterday.
Oh, I just love it (female) or This is great! (Male): I'm not suggesting that this is always a lie, but isn’t it frequently used when we feel exactly the opposite? I'm going to use clothing as my example (clearly I could list out 10 Things We Say We Love When We Don’t, but that is another post for another day) citing my favorite reality show What Not To Wear. This is where two stylist, Stacy and Clinton, bust in on an unsuspecting person (set up by friends and family) and announce the friend is a despicable mess of a fashion statement. Then Stacy and Clinton offer the "skagg" ( for the lack of a better word- no offense) $5000.00 to turn themselves and their wardrobe over to them and their expertise. The fashion failures do not value making a good impression. Next the now totally humiliated victim accepts the offer, because it is far better to look takey than stupid on national television. Besides, who wouldn't want to go shopping in New York? Once there, the Fashionista's Clinton and Stacy teach the poor wretched sould how to shop for their lifestyle and body type and to be a slick and savvy version of themselves. During the episode they all go through the current wardrobe of the now irritated apprentice (mostly because they have to see themselves in a 360 degree mirror...in bad clothing) while Stacy and Clinton verbally shred every piece, this is somewhat painful for the slob and a bit funny to the rest of us. Almost every person going through the makeover blames friends, family, grandma or the beloved departed pets for some of their clothing choices because they were gifts, hand-me-downs or somehow sentimental. No one wants to be held totally accountable for acquiring such despicable clothing, but we are responsible for keeping them. The people that give you the items might even be‘re-gifting’ you something they received and hated. I swear this happened to me. So what do we do? What do we say? Do we tell them we hate it? NO! Instead of lying…just say “Oh, thank you for your generosity and thinking of me you are such a good friend” (okay guys…so say something else…but you get the point), and move on quickly. Make your accolades more about the person than the gift. Everyone loves to be doted on so they won’t notice. If they do and are brave enough to point it out, then use caution when promising to try it on, out or whatever. (That was a long explanation...now wake up!)
I was, I went, I am, I use to ______ (insert something totally unbelievable): This is one comes in 31 flavors but the point is that people will claim they were, did or went somewhere in which they did not. Resumes are loaded with them and this could be a sign of a very serious character flaw, more about that another time. What is worse than the lie is when you accidentally find out that they were lying... so awkward! Something even more conniving is the embellishment on what it is they do. A title like ‘Producer’, ‘Entrepreneur’ or ‘Consultant’ can seem impressive at first glance, but what is the point? A fancy title and a quarter wont even buy me a cup of coffee. Oh my! The list is long and I have met many. I cannot get off on a tangent here because it takes just too much energy and I really don’t have time. All I have to say is IF YOU DO THIS, STOP IT!
I forgot: Guilty. What can I say…GUILTY! The reason I call this a lie is because we didn’t really forget, we simply did not make the task at hand a priority and failed to think about the consequences or it’s effect on others. Forgetting is the consequence and rudeness is the problem. Some things left forgotten are not deal breakers because…well they just aren’t. A personal example is when I forgot to show up for a coffee with a friend because I was too lazy to check my calendar that morning. She forgave me, but had rearranged her morning with another so we could meet. I'm certain her original appointment had to adjust her day and she was probably my OBGYN and that is why she was late to my appointment. It always comes back at ‘ya- tenfold. By admitting the truth it actually made me feel respectable in a strange way. I’m human and I can learn from my mistakes and I am not afraid to own them. Ultimately she rescheduled, and admitted she too was guilty of the same lame behavior. We got off on an entire discussion about the fact that we were not looking at our high-tech phone/PDA gizmo’s that alerts us with bells, pings, rings and things when we have an appointment to be somewhere…why IS that so difficult? Just say, " Please forgive my rudeness in being late, I'm sorry to be so inconsiderate". Now this will most likely get you a free cup of coffee!
Disclaimer: I reserve the right to disagree with myself before, during and after my post.
